Original novel in Chinese by: 御 我 (Yu Wo)
Part Three – translated by Raylight
It was already past midnight, and the lady moon hung high up outside the window. Though the weather was rather sweltering, the atmosphere in the room was instead very gloomy. A lone shadow sat in front of the television in a strange manner, just like a child who was addicted to video games. However, what was in front of his eyes was actually a Nintendo game console from more than ten years ago. In that shadow’s hands was a cartridge that the owner had claimed he had sold to him at a large discount. He had heard that it was an RPG, commonly referred to as a role-playing game.
I must be an idiot, and that guy Bai Xue Chen’s IQ certainly doesn’t even match up to an idiot’s!
“Don’t be angry with yourself, even if you drive yourself to your death with your anger, no one would know about it.”
Lin Jian Yin took in a deep breath, and then breathed out. This action looped for quite a while before he managed to forcefully suppress the impulse to run to Bai Xue Chen’s house to cut him down in the middle of the night. The hand holding the cartridge shook non-stop. He struggled for a long time. Should I insert the cartridge into the Nintendo? If he were to load the cartridge, and then have the words “Successful Prank!” or the like come out, he really, seriously would not be able to guarantee that he would not take the only weapons in his house, his kitchen knife set, and then dash to Bai Xue Chen’s house.
“I’ll believe you one last time!”
Lin Jian Yin gritted his teeth and opened the seal on the cartridge. It was a simple paper box package, and there was also an instruction manual that came enclosed inside. Lin Jian Yin opened the instruction manual impatiently. Inside, there were only a few simple lines.
How to Play: Raise the game character.
How to Complete: Let the game character conduct a wedding ceremony with the person they like.
Warning! The trial lasts for two months. Whether you have completed the game or not, one would not be able to continue the game afterwards.
“Damn! It is even just a trial version. What kind of bargain sale is this supposed to be!”
Lin Jian Yin forcefully inserted the cartridge into the Nintendo in his rage. A vortex slowly appeared on the twenty-four inch television screen, just like any normal television game. Lin Jian Yin stared at the television screen, barely able to take more than a glance before his gaze got caught by the continuously expanding vortex that was becoming clearer. He felt a little dizzy, but not to the point where he felt uncomfortable. It never crossed his mind that he could shift his gaze away, and hence, he stared fixedly at that vortex. Within his two black pupils reflected the vortex that was growing bigger and bigger, spinning faster and faster…
“Ahhh! Jian, Jian… Eyes, eyes.”
A girl’s scream abruptly brought Lin Jian Yin’s senses back. He blinked, exclaiming, “Who’s calling me? Who is calling me?”
The girl screamed over and over again. After a sudden vertigo, Lin Jian Yin felt himself grow dizzy from spinning, and then he fell heavily to the floor. It hurt him so much that he snarled, and he couldn’t help but swear, “Bitch! What the heck are you doing! Why did you push me? Using so much strength, are you a gorilla?”
“Jian, Jian…” The girl repeated this word, flabbergasted.
“Why are you acting so intimately, what right do you have to call me by half of my given name!”
Lin Jian Yin glared at the girl in front of him unhappily. The girl had a head of long curly hair, and the curls were the super curly type that was specially used by aunties over the age of fifty. Furthermore, knots and split ends, you name it, none of that was missing. On her face, she was wearing the black-framed glasses that were the most popular right now, except that this style… belongs to the type you would see in the Detective Conan anime. When a real person wears it, it really did have the effect of turning the person into a nerd. As for the clothes, don’t even mention them. On the wide shirt there was even Pikachu printed on it, and under her shorts, what she wore was actually blue and white flip-flops.
“A female Taike.1” The corner of Lin Jian Yin’s mouth twitched as he concluded.
The girl had obviously not heard his comment. She only asked a little shyly, “May I ask Mister Jian, are you here to tell me the rules of the game?”
Mister Jian? Lin Jian Yin couldn’t help but frown. Why does this sound kind of strange? However, being reminded by the girl, he finally remembered that he was playing a raising simulation game… Oh my god! Don’t tell me I have to raise this classic example of a Taike? Generally speaking, shouldn’t the girl featured in raising simulation games be enchanting little girls?
Once he thought about having to raise the Taike in front of his eyes, Lin Jian Yin’s way of speaking became the absolute worst. “Yeah, I’m here to raise you.”
“Raise me?” The girl showed a weird expression, and then a little doubtfully, she added on, “Jian?”
“Don’t shorten my name to Jian, you hear that! We aren’t that close yet!”
Lin Jian Yin made a grave declaration and even wanted to move right in front of the girl’s face to threaten her. However, once he decided to move, he then discovered that he seemed to be unable to move? He struggled painfully for a bit. Though he did move, he had merely shaken his body a little, and hadn’t left the spot he was originally at in the least bit. Could it be that there is something wrong with my feet? Lin Jian Yin looked down suspiciously, but he didn’t see anything that resembled feet or a body. Underneath, there was only a dazzling and shiny something.
Lin Jian Yin was stunned for a long time. He wanted to stretch his hand to touch it, wanted to stretch out… But where’s my hand! He was greatly alarmed. Why would I not have any hands? I don’t have any hands, and I also don’t have any feet or a body… Lin Jian Yin yelled in shock, “Don’t tell me that I’m only left with my head?”
“Uh…” The girl seemed to find it a little difficult to say the next few words, “It seems to be a little less than that.”
“What! Even less than having only my head?” Lin Jian Yin roared, “Then what exactly am I left with?”
The girl replied honestly, “Two eyes and a mouth.” After saying that, she tilted her head to one side and sized him up and down. Then, she added on, “And a sword blade and a sword hilt.”
“Eyes, mouth, sword blade, and a sword hilt? What kind of thing is this?” Lin Jian Yin struggled with all his might, and because of the to and fro shaking, his body landed onto the ground with a thunk. He didn’t obediently lie there though, but tried to stand up with all his effort. However, without any hands or feet, don’t mention standing up. Basically, other than rolling around, he couldn’t possibly do anything else.
The girl slowly walked over and hesitated for a moment before she grabbed him. With a helpless expression on her face, she looked at him and said, “I guess, probably a sword that has grown eyes and a mouth?”
What? Lin Jian Yin felt a dizzy spell come on. I’m a sword2 that has grown eyes and a mouth?
“Don’t be agitated, at least you have two eyes and a mouth more than other swords.” The girl tried comforting this sword that looked very dismayed.
However, these words pained Lin Jian Yin even more. He gritted his teeth and pronounced word-by-word, “I’m. A. Human.”
The girl received a fright, and fell into silence for a moment. Then, she said, “If you are a human, then you really are missing quite a few things.”
1 “Taike”: It’s a term that is derogatory, now used to refer to people in Taiwan whose clothing and behavior is very inappropriate and uncouth. For example, wearing blue and white slippers and dressed only in your underwear to walk into a formal event.
2 “Jian”: As mentioned in Part 1, “jian” means sword. Lin Jian Yin thinks she’s calling him by a shortened version of his name, when she is actually just calling him “Sword” because he’s a sword.