No Hero V8C5: Red Balloons (April Fool’s)

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No Hero Volume 8: The End, the Beginning, Part Two

Original novel in Chinese by: 御我(Yu Wo)

The Beginning NO.5: Red Balloons—translated by Taffygirl13

“An Te Qi reported that he found something critical.”

That damn Bai Lian Yue just kept staring at me with a dubious expression on his face, not caring at all about what I was saying. It was as if he was still wondering if I really was the Sun Emperor or not.

“If you keep staring at me with that suspecting look, I’ll—”

Bai Lian Yue raised his chin. “You’ll what? Have Dark Sun kill me?”

Dark Sun… I roared in anger, “What are you blabbing about? Even if I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t make Ah Ye do it. I’ll call the adjudication squad in here right now and have them completely dismember you!”

“So merciless yet so doting to Ah Ye. You really are Ah Yan.” Bai Lian Yue let out a sigh of relief.

“…” I pushed the telecommunications button on my desk, but another hand immediately covered it.

“Alright! I won’t fool around anymore. Ah Ye’s matters are most important. Go ahead and tell me, what exactly is this critical finding that would even make you want Ah Ye to clash with the Church? Such a thing is beyond inconceivable!”

I pushed Bai Lian Yue’s hand away and calmly elaborated, “Dark Sun’s microchip has an eternal command that forces him to always protect me. Even if it requires him to sacrifice his own life, he will do so without hesitation.”

Bai Lian Yue stared at me blankly. “Isn’t that something we were aware of since a long time ago?”

“But I will eventually have to die.”

“What nonsense are you saying?” Bai Lian Yue’s eyebrows furrowed as he said, “You are only in your thirties, why are you talking about death? Everyone’s expected life span is past 120 nowadays, and Ah Ye is only ten years younger than you. You two brothers are—”

“Ah Ye can live up to thousands of years.”

Bai Lian Yue was shocked as he asked in disbelief, “Really?”

“I don’t have the spare time to tell you lies!”

Kyle would never ask such pointless questions! But he would spout more nonsense to try and stop me. Really, neither of these secretaries is perfect!

I pulled the topic back. “If I, his target of protection, dies, what do you think would happen to Ah Ye?”

“What would happen?”

“I don’t know. An Te Qi conducted various tests, and each result was different. The only similarity they shared was that—”

When I recalled Ah Ye’s “results”, I had to take a few deep breaths before I could continue. “None ended well.”

Bai Lian Yue understood. “So, you need Ah Ye to protect you without using his life? Is that possible?”

“It wasn’t, up until a few days ago.”

Bai Lian Yue happily exclaimed, “That’s great then! From now on, you no longer have to worry about Ah Ye getting injured for the sake of protecting you.”

Do you really care? You’re probably just acting happy. I looked at him with a smile that did not reach my eyes as I said, “The fix is very simple. The difficult part is that there is no way of truly confirming if it really was fixed. No matter what happens, Ah Ye will always act if I am in danger, regardless of whether or not that damned microchip is in his brain.”

“Having a young brother like Ah Ye really must make you feel both proud and worried.”

Both proud and worried. These few words really do describe everything. Ah Ye, what are you doing right now? I hope you’re working on your modelling job rather than being a hero.

Ah Ye, oh Ah Ye. I’m proud of you for being a hero, yet I also hate that you are a hero. Do you understand?

I stood on the street and watched the car turn to immediately leave. This time, there was no opportunity to secretly jump into the car. Since the young master was in a great rush, he had personally decided to drive, and Ezart naturally had no way to help me open the trunk from the front seat.

What should I do now? Race up to the rooftops and charge forwards…No, the distance is too great. Even if my speed passing through the rooftops was as fast as the cars on the streets below, I was afraid I would not be able to maintain it for as long as cars could. Moreover, if I did manage to successfully endure until the end, I would likely not have any more strength to do much else afterwards.

As a result, I called Curtis to request his fastest car. While I felt that pompously using the main leader of the Endelis family as a butler was a behavior that truly could not be more inappropriate, I was still grateful that Curtis was in Daystar City to help me resolve so many issues.

“Understood, Family Head. The car will arrive immediately.”

“I apologize for the trouble.”

“It is no trouble at all.”

Soon afterwards, a car came to a sharp stop before me. The car was entirely black on the outside, and there were also black screens stuck onto the windows to block the sun. The car was slightly longer than a typical car. Overall, it did not have the appearance of a domestic vehicle, however, it was not overly eye-catching either, especially seeing as I had noticed a large number of luxury vehicles speeding on the roads here during my past few days at Daystar City. A slightly longer black car would not be sufficient to draw attention.

While Sunset City did not have so many valuable cars, I believed that it was because Sunset City had too many brawls that would result in the cars getting scraped or hit by stray bullets. Maintaining a car’s glossy exterior would be much too difficult. A luxury car in particular would be the first thing to get attacked in Sunset City.

The other party walked out of the car, seemingly in an attempt to open the door for me. However, since time was pressed, I had long since entered the car. He paused for a moment before sitting back in the driver’s seat and turning to inquire, “May I ask where you would like to go, Family Head?”

“Dong Fang Lei?” I stared at the other person in slight astonishment.

“Yes. What is your command?” His eyebrows and gaze were collected and displayed a great amount of respect. The obvious enmity from before had vanished without a trace—or at the very least, had been concealed very well.

“Go to the hotel the young master is residing at—”

Mid-sentence, I began to wonder if this person knew which hotel it was. However, Dong Fang Lei instantly responded, “Understood.”

Seeing as he expressed no confusion and immediately started the engine, I decided that there was no need to explain further. He pressed down on the accelerator and charged straight out, forcing my body against the back of the seat.

Fortunately, having experienced the driving skills of DSII, the young master, and Melody, I no longer minded the driving style comprised of astonishing speed and thrilling evasive maneuvers.

I was slightly anxious about the young master’s situation. However, I could only sit here in the car and wait. The atmosphere was heavy for unknown reasons as well. I’m afraid that Dong Fang Lei still disapproves of me. Yet he can drive without a word, while I have nothing to do. After thinking over this for a moment, I decided to make a call.

“Curtis, why did you send over your personal butler?” The moment I spoke, I realized that the frequency of calls I made seemed to increase daily, just as much as the calls I received.

Curtis answered in a matter-of-fact tone, “It is because you requested the ‘fastest’. This specially modified car in addition to Dong Fang Lei as the driver is the only way to conform to your request. Is the speed to your satisfaction, Family Head?”

I was at a loss for words. It seems like I must only say “very fast”, rather than “fastest” in the future. Otherwise, I may one day accidentally request for the “fastest plane” and something unimaginable could appear.

“I have truly inconvenienced you.”

“It is not a problem. I hope that you are not frightened by Dong Fang Lei’s driving style. With Daystar City’s traffic situation, using such a method is the fastest method.”

I did not mind the driving style. On the other hand, Curtis sounded quite delighted. It was as Sadina had said; he truly possessed the enthusiasm to serve. Perhaps I did not need to worry about troubling him after all and should give Curtis more orders instead. This would allow him to feel more like a butler.

“Family Head?”

“He drives very well.” I spoke honestly. He undoubtedly drove quickly enough. Moreover, his speed and evasive technique was already extremely stable. While there was still a disparity compared to Nitewalker, I believed that comparing Dong Fang Lei to a non-human species that could control water on the pavement while driving was much too unfair.

“In that case, I will leave Dong Fang Lei by your side for the time being.”


“You will likely often require a car in this time. Considering your personality, Family Head, I do not believe you would drive quickly.”

“…I understand.” I had absolutely no way to refute this point.

“Dong Fang can help you handle many matters. Please do not hesitate to give him your orders, especially when it comes to combat—”

Suddenly, a loud sound came from nowhere as the car violently swerved. Just as I was feeling astonishment that Dong Fang Lei drove even more wildly than Melody did, one side of the car left the ground—Something is wrong!

I twisted my body and crossed the space between the front seat and the driver’s seat. My left hand caught hold of Dong Fang Lei while my blood ability burst out from my right hand to block the shattered fragments of the windshield. Then, I passed through it to exit the car. At that moment, the vehicle was already flipping through the air.

With x-speed, everything slowed down, just as it did in films. I had faintly felt this in the past, but as I grew more used to x-speed, the time around me seemed to flow even more slowly.

A huge television wall was before me, one of the few in Daystar City that was currently running advertisements. Although I was currently flying through the air, I could vaguely make out the image of a peaceful looking island in the commercial, and some sort of Getaway Package you could purchase to live on that island.

Unable to easily change my direction, I let myself continue to fly at the television wall, intent on landing on it. However, when my feet touched upon the television, to my surprise, I sank right through it!

I landed on soft sand after I fell through the television, with a feeling that this had happened to me before. Is this truly a skill of vampires I have not heard about?

With such a skill available to me, I was truly the perfect assassin. In the current age, nearly everyone had access to a television, whether it sat in their living room or whether it stretched across the walls of buildings everywhere around the city. If I could travel via televisions and jump through television sets at my target…

Wait, I am not trying to enact a horror movie here!

Horror movies were not very to my liking. I enjoyed movies about heroes a lot more.

In any case, I needed to get to the young master’s side. That meant I had to ascertain my location first. I was definitely no longer in Daystar City.

However, despite not knowing where I was, the scenery looked familiar.

Is this not the island I just saw on the television?

It made some sense that I had landed here, as the commercial was what had been playing on the television. From what little I had seen of the commercial, the island had been described as part of a Getaway Package. The island did appear to be quite peaceful, a lovely location for a vacation, but it was nowhere I wanted to be.

Perhaps in the past, I would have wished to seclude myself in an ancient castle or on a peaceful, uninhabited island such as this one, but what I wished for the most at the moment was to be by the side of my young master. It did not matter if it meant staying in Daystar City where non-humans were unwelcome, or throwing myself into a fight and embracing the fact that I was the perfect assassin.

I looked behind me at the ocean that stretched far into the horizon, then back toward the island. Unfortunately, I could not swim all the way back to Daystar City, nor could I fly there. My only way back would be to head inland to see if I could find transportation.

Just as I stepped forward, my foot ran into something. I looked down and saw that it was a clear, glass bottle. I bent down and picked it up. There was a card inside the bottle.

Could this be an SOS like what I see in movies?

I opened the bottle and pulled out the card. It had an acorn on the back. On the other side… It was a DIY recipe for a juicy-apple TV.

My eyes widened as I read the recipe. Based off of what it says on this card, I just need ten apples and two iron nuggets to build this TV?

While I knew in my head that televisions were not so easily built, if I truly could build a television with only apples and iron nuggets, then I could use the new vampire skill I discovered of traveling through televisions to return to Daystar City!

I spun around, spotting apples growing on trees in the distance. I immediately used x-speed and flew toward the apples at my top speed, hand reaching out to pluck the three apples off the tree.

This isn’t enough at all!

There were unfortunately only two apple trees, and for some reason, there were only three apples on the other tree as well. I followed a path marked by intricately planted flowers to look for more apple trees. I still needed four more apples.

It was then that I heard talking further down the path and noticed the four people walking inland. In the front was a woman with a classical beauty, and behind her were two young men who were huddled over a phone, and a man with blond hair who looked very similar to one of the young men. They must be related.

Although I had found apples, I did not know where I could find iron nuggets for this DIY recipe, nor where I could find a workbench to make this television. While I did not wish to talk with anyone and delay my return to the young master, I weighed the benefits of asking and decided that it would be faster to ask than to search on my own. I was no explorer, unlike Ezart.

Mind made up, I slide stepped in their direction and made no effort to hide my presence. But even so, my presence should not be so easily discoverable. The young blond man abruptly whirled in my direction, eyes wary, one hand raised in front of him with two fingers pressed together. The older blond was also in a battle ready stance, but neither of them held any weapons.

Could they have modifications on their body?

The other young man suddenly blurted, “House Keeper? Why are you here? Did you come with Yu Shu?”

I did not know how he knew that I was a butler, but the fact that he knew instantly made me wary. It could very well mean that he had connections with the Church or the Sun Emperor.

“No wait,” he continued, eyes widening. He quickly covered his right eye and gasped. “Since when did you come true? Oh no, Yu Shu is going to kill me!”

“I do not know this Yu Shu you speak of,” I said, confused.

“You don’t know Yu Shu?” he rambled. “Did you lose your memory…”

Once again, the young man paused, and his eyes seemed to widen even more. “Charles? Are you actually Charles?”

He even knows my name!

He turned to the young blond and asked in worry, “Do illusory familiars lose their memories when they come true?”

Unable to wait any longer, I held out the card I had picked up and said, “I need to build this television to get off of this island.”

The woman spoke up and said, “What a lucky find! That recipe is usually only given out by Tom Nook. You are lucky to get it so quickly after joining us on this island.”

The woman was suspiciously knowledgeable. “Can you tell me where I can find iron nuggets and where I can build this television?”

“Why in the world do you need to build a television?” the young man who had been staring with wide eyes asked me.

“To get off of this island,” I said.

“How can a television help you get off of this island?” the young blond man asked.

“I can travel through them,” I simply said.

The two young men both stared at me, in disbelief that I could travel through televisions. Then they stared at each other and said at the same time, “Right, it’s April 1st.”

Oh, it is indeed April 1st.

I took another look at my surroundings. They weren’t familiar only because of the commercial. Wasn’t this island exactly like the one in the video game that Dell was playing?

“You can get iron nuggets from hitting rocks with a shovel. You can also find them in presents carried by balloons,” the woman helpfully said.

Okay, iron nuggets appear by hitting rocks with shovels. As I did not have a shovel, I decided to strike down as many balloons as I could. The two young men watched me with wide eyes as I slide stepped and chased after the red balloon I had just seen. I extended my hand in a drill shape and tore the balloon apart.

Wait for me, Young Master! Charles will not give in to island life and spend all his time picking fruits and selling turnips on the stalk market like Dell!

Illusions, Lies, Truth V4C2: Xiang Shui Pan, Part 1—From Coffee to Pears to Apples (April Fool’s)

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Illusions, Lies, Truth Volume 4: In the Name of God, Part Two

Original novel in Chinese by: 御 我 (Yu Wo)

Chapter 2: Xiang Shui Pan, Part 1—From Coffee to Pears to Apples—translated by lucathia

A taxi was waiting outside of the university. Once Liu Yishi, Lu Yang, and Jiang Ziya got on, the driver didn’t even turn his head as he made his greeting.

“Long time no see, Mr. Liu.”

Liu Yishi smiled faintly. “Long time no see, Mr. Driver. Please take us to Xiang Shui Pan.”

Lu Yang introduced, “This is Mr. Driver who has worked with us for a long time. You can call him Driver.”

After he finished speaking, he then told Driver, “You don’t need to pretend to be a quiet driver. Jiang Ziya is my assistant. Give him a business card so he call you for your services in the future, too.”


Illusions, Lies, Truth V3C3: Existence’s Bane Part 3—The Society (April Fool’s)

posted in: Blog, Illusions-Lies-Truth | 12

Illusions, Lies, Truth Volume 3: In the Name of God, Part One

Original novel in Chinese by: 御 我 (Yu Wo)

Chapter 3: Existence’s Bane, Part 3—The Society—translated by Translator

Lu Yang arrived at the club’s location for the first time as a member of the Supernatural Phenomena Studies Society and had no comments about the walls mottled like those of a ghost house.

Unexpectedly, Lin Zhixiang was actually present as well. Jiang Ziya had thought that she wouldn’t attend anymore. Her initial reason for joining the club had just been a desire to figure out whether or not unexplainable happenings truly existed in this world, and using that to clarify what in the world her existence’s bane’s natal chart truly was.

“Hello.” Lin Zhixiang looked at Lu Yang a bit nervously. She hadn’t seen him when she went to Qing Wei Gong in the morning, but she kept hearing from the elders about a “Xiao Yang.” Even though they hadn’t brought up anything substantial, she could tell that this “Xiao Yang” was nothing to sneeze at.

When he saw Lin Zhixiang, Lu Yang frowned. He had already told Jiang Ziya not to mention what happened to Li Yao for now. They should complete tonight’s night venture before bringing it up to prevent something else from happening. However, the latest they would be able to put it off would just be until tomorrow, as Lin Zhixiang was likely to hear about it.


GOD V2C7P1: Overlord of the Seas VS Sovereign of the Skies, Part One (April Fool’s)

posted in: Blog, GOD | 2

GOD —The Beginning of the End— Volume 2: Elf, Nanny, Thunderous Anger

Original novel in Chinese by: 御 我 (Yu Wo)

Chapter 7: Overlord of the Seas VS Sovereign of the Skies, Part One—translated by Translator

“Whoa, a sea serpent!”

Shooting Star joyfully shouted as he tugged on Alan’s sleeve, “Alan, look! It’s a huge sea serpent!”

Alan shot a look at Shooting Star and felt a bit helpless. Should I say that Shooting Star has guts, or say that he has no brain? Is this the time to be excited?

At that moment, the serpent moved. Even though it had not touched the body of the boat, the boat immediately began to rock strongly.

The sailors ran around on the deck in panic, yet powerlessly realized that they did not know where they could escape to. The situation was unbelievably chaotic. There was only a young boy gripping a completely unperturbed elf in a death-grip, with an expression of great happiness and joy.


No Hero V7C4: Devil, the Dance of the Devils (April Fool’s)

posted in: Blog, No Hero | 5

No Hero Volume 7: The End, the Beginning, Part One

Original novel in Chinese by: 御我(Yu Wo)

The Fourth Step towards the End: Devil, the Dance of the Devils—translated by Translator

This night race is too strong!

I felt myself losing heart. I still wanted to properly research the habits of these creatures. In this book, there were so many interesting creatures listed, many of which could be matched with a corresponding non-human race. There must be a link between these!

But this link was one I could possibly never find in this lifetime.

What a waste of the opportunity of finding this book. If Charles were to know that this book caused my death, he probably would think that it was worth it?

Oh, that’s not right. If I died, then most likely Ezart would go down with me. That butler who values his young master so much would probably rather I continue to live on as long as I don’t drag Ezart to his death.

“Even at this point, you’re molesting the book?” Ezart looked at me in shock.

Book? Oh, you mean the one in my hand?

Book… Wait! If the ones in front of us truly are the night race!

They claimed this race was the failure closest to perfection. The night race were absolutely strong and they had eternal life, but what came with it was a lack of reproductive abilities and a strong weakness to sunlight, in which even the slightest bit of exposure would turn them to ashes…

“Sunlight! We need sunlight!”

“… We’re underground.”