Yu Wo’s Birthday Song – Update

posted in: Blog, Homepage | 27

One of our readers, Chronicole, has submitted some modified lyrics to the Poem of Light song, making it now rhyme. We tweaked it slightly to improve the rhythm and here’s the final product. If you’re interested in singing the song and haven’t done so already, please try using this version.

Thanks again, Chronicole!

Birds flying high and CLOUD drifting past
The golden SUN illuminates the path
Up in the trees a LEAF rustles gently
A butterfly flutters past me

The MOON sings a solo to the starry sky
A heart made of STONE can’t be compromised
In wastelands adorned with crystals of ICE
All just for you, this song i write

Smiles interweave in honor and glory
Sweet dreams tucked in the edge of the galaxy
Have turned blurry

JUDGMENT is dealt by the god of fate
Even in HELL, some hope awaits
Hear the sound of the METAL dance
Proclaiming forth life’s radiance

Never fearing death and the unknown
Searching for the path where light has shone
To lead me home

Across the EARTH and over the sea
The BLAZE of flames makes darkness flee
Through the STORM you’ll lead the way
And by your side, my strength will stay

TWELVE chimes will chase away the sorrow
Bards sing about the HOLY rainbow
KNIGHTS fight with valor while on the attack
I feel a gentle wind at my back

Reference Rendition: (Don’t go high at the end, that staff member was just being silly)

Lyrics in English / Chinese / Pinyin (on one page, MS Word Document)
Instrumental Version (MP3)

27 Responses

  1. I still think some tweaks could make this better…good effort though! :)

  2. Birds soaring with the drifting CLOUDs
    While the golden SUN shines upon our route,
    Up in the trees LEAVES rustle gently
    While a lone butterfly flutters past me
    The lonely MOON serenades the starry sky
    A heart of STONE can’t be compromised,
    ICE embellishes this land of decay,
    Where I compose your serenade.
    —-
    Smiles intertwine honor and glory
    Our dream that sleeps in the universe
    No longer lasts!<—(I'd like to see the original pinyin for this section. I'm not clear on what the meaning is, because it seems rather nonsensical.)
    —-
    JUDGMENT is imparted by the God of Fate
    But even in HELL hope remains
    Hear METAL ring, clash, and clamor,
    Resounding, resonating with life's own glamour. (Glamour is probably not the right word for this. But I do like what it adds to the song, though it's probably too philosophical for something that's supposed to be a birthday song.)
    Impervious to DEATH and his reaper grim,
    Waiting patiently for a guiding light,
    that illuminates the road true and bright.

    Across the EARTH and the seven seas,
    BLAZING flames make Darkness flee,
    Through the STORM you shall steer my keel,
    Guiding, navigating, so I never falter, never fail,
    TWELVE chimes of the clock dispels the lie,
    An inspired bard tells of HOLY truths,
    The reborn world invites the KNIGHTS
    as a zephyr rushes past me to herald the news through the night.

    Okay, this is pretty much just a rushed, random version, but I took quite a few liberties. I'd like to try a very different version, something with more powerful prose or perhaps something that swings to the other extreme. *shrugs* Anyways, I like eating ice cream. It makes me want to be poetic while I am. :D

    • amgine

      @Lala
      The biggest thing is that this makes it no longer singable with the original song’s melody.
      You have to make sure that it has the right meter and that the intonations are in the right syllables for the most part.

  3. Q.Q Wow! So difficult!!! Translating it was probably difficult enough, but it also has to fit a meter and be singable!

  4. I think this version is harder to understand, from an English standpoint. There are a few of instances of Yoda-esque sentence structure (eg: “All just for you, this song i write” and “And by your side, my strength will stay” etc). Although I assumed some of that was done while trying to make the last half of the song rhyme, it seems unnecessary especially considering you have to sacrifice sentence flow to do so. There are also a couple of sentences I have a genuinely hard time understanding. They are probably easier to figure out if you understand the original Chinese, but from an outsider’s perspective it’s a bit tough. And, to be nitpicky, there are a few grammatical errors unrelated to the aforementioned issues. But, having done some translation work from another language to English, I know it’s a hard balance to strike between retaining the original meaning and making it understandable in English. This seems to be especially true for song lyrics because you have so little context to work with. I think it’s a great effort, and it’s certainly interesting to see how different people translate the same thing. ^__^

    • amgine

      @tel
      Yes, there’s way too many constraints which makes it unreasonable to expect the lyrics to be as good as a tailor-made song, but this is the best we can do given the circumstances. Yes we know about the grammatical errors (we wanted to add an ‘s’ after CLOUD too but it would break the pattern) and the yoda-esque phrases (which we feel are still understandable). The gibberish about dreams and galaxies is just as it was in the original – nonsensical filler words. Oh well.

  5. I don’t think the syllables matched as well as the previous one…but here’s my ver! ^^ (I’m a little off beat because I haven’t learned the new version). http://www.2shared.com/audio/kvUljkjI/Sun_Knight_Song.html

    • amgine

      @HHL
      Thanks for your submission! Yeah, there’s always a tradeoff. In this case, we sacrificed a bit of the meter for the rhyming and slightly more sensical lyrics.

      Your voice is really lovely! Do you have a vocals-only version that we can use for the mix?

  6. Ice Cream~

    You’re good at singing too, green tea! :D (I like your low voice better, though)

  7. NanoLaughing

    I have to say : This morning I went on your website and all of it was TRANSLATED to CHINESE(I think it was Chinese)! It took me a good 10 minutes to figure out what happen. The next thing i knew when everything was finally in English, I pressed on the homepage button,to see the updates, and again all in Chinese(again, not sure if it was Chinese)! So here’s my question: Is there a problem on your page? And. Can I fix it if it’s only affecting me?

  8. Nyako FCC

    (God of Light, please have mercy)
    I swear, I tried my best but here is my version…
    http://www.2shared.com/audio/K_3PcBqW/Poem_of_light_-_Nyako_FCC.html

  9. i love the music for this and the rhythm

  10. Hope I’m not too late and that it’s not too shaby, but here’s my version:
    http://www.mediafire.com/?gk0z00oagjhb1a1 for vocals and music,
    and http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?g8gzwnywc5tjrvj for just the vocals.

  11. Chloesong

    Is it alright to post our submission here or should we email them? Also, is there a deadline for submission aka is it too late?

    Thank you as always for your hard work! I love the extra cool things you guys run, such as the Character Tournament, and I think the e-card is an awesome idea.

  12. Sorry this is a day late, just got back from vacation this morning, but i still wanted to submit one!
    I actually had made my own tune for it (i could not see from my phone that we had music to follow)
    so i have been practicing all morning to get this one down. (you can hear my voice is a bit fatigued, and now i’m hoarse! lol)

    http://youtu.be/TmB3sHyOqzs

  13. ? *puzzled*
    So this started off as a song in Japanese/ English about love, someone changed the lyrics’ meanings so they were about the Holy Knights and changed the language to Chinese and then PR! translated THOSE lyrics to English? @[email protected]

  14. Chloesong

    I hope it’s not too late! This is my submission:

    http://www.2shared.com/audio/LiUP8d_-/ChloesongLSK.html

    :)

  15. Chloesong

    I’m really excited to see how the video goes. I think it’s a great idea. Did anyone volunteer to make the video yet?

    I was worried when I didn’t see my comment with my audio upload. I uploaded just the vocals, without accompaniment. I hope that’s not a problem.

    I couldn’t tell if it was preferred to have the instrumental playing in the background in the audio submissions, so I went with what’s easier to edit into a video.

    Also, maybe at the end of the video, someone could say, “Happy birthday Yu Wo!” in chinese with a birthday fan art as the background?

    Ps. I’m sorry for spamming comments. Could the staff please delete the one which I wrote saying, “Testing?”. I thought my post comment button wasn’t working properly.

    • lucathia

      I haven’t approved the comment so that others can remember to look at it and add the vocals in! Without instrumental music in the background is what we need~.

    • Chloesong

      @lucathia
      @[email protected] Sorry, by ‘I haven’t approved the comment so that others can remember to look at it and add the vocals in!’, does that you’ll approve the comment after someone takes a look at the audio?

      And thanks for the reply, I’m glad it was the right format. :D

    • lucathia

      Yes, it’s just so that we can remember to look at it. ^^ If it’s approved already, usually we just assume it’s already been taken care of…

    • Chloesong

      @lucathia
      :( was my submission too late?

    • eilinel

      Sorry…it is too late >_<. We will see if we can include your song for the next year though...but no promise either @@.

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