Okay, so PR! decided as a whole to turn the front page into Chinese for April Fools. We originally wanted to just translate everything that was on the site, but I (dahlys) wrote this random story and it ended up being used the the contents for the joke site. The title is “The Legend of Prince” and it’s a combination of the Chinese titles for 1/2 Prince and LSK. The actual contents are based on the “This is not a beauty pageant” tournament, except this is the “This IS a beauty pageant” tournament version. Enjoy!
p.s. If you want to hear more of PR!’s voices (besides Amgine and myself), they are floating around on the web somewhere and you might chance upon it XD
Disclaimer (please read):
1. All the copyrights of ½ Prince, The Legend of Sun Knight and The Legend of Prince are belong to Yu Wo.
2. Do not use this translation to earn money! The God of Fortune will curse you!
3. Trashes who dare to copy even a single word from this website and post it on any other site, forum, or irc will definitely be struck by lighting and punished by Heaven!
4. If you want to share this work, please inform us. (Although you have no chance of success)
If you don’t follow the rules, I’ll tell your mom! If you discover anyone flouting the rules, please kill them. Should you have any questions, go GOOGLE the answer yourself.
I’m sick of writing this, hurry up and continue reading!
Note: Yes, the disclaimer is not supposed to make sense. “A single word” is correct. “Are belong” is also correct because “All the copyrights are belong to Yu Wo”.
The Legend of Prince
A new series by the bestselling author of “1/2 Prince” and “The Legend of Sun Knight”, Yu Wo!
Who will make the best prince?
Eh? This is absolutely not a beauty contest!
Contestant No. 1: Blood Elf—Prince
“When women see him, they want to own him. When men see him, they want to kill him. Welcome the white-haired and red-eyed super bishie, the Blood Elf Prince onstage! Blood Elf, please introduce yourself.”
A random fan in the audience shrieked, “Being hungry is unhealthy! Come here, I have a lot of tofu for you to eat!”
Note: “eating someone’s tofu” means “taking sexual advantage of them” in Chinese. This is a pun on food and flirting. That fan is implying that Prince is “hungry” for…the activity associated with reproduction.
Contestant No. 2: Sun Knight—Grisia Sun
“The next contestant is…the world famous Sun Knight of the Church of the God of Light, Grisia Sun! He has a head of golden-blonde hair, sky-blue eyes, a benevolent personality, and a smile so dazzling it is without equal. So, I’ve heard that you are most like the legendary Sun Knight, what do you have to to say about this?”
“Under the radiance of the God of Light, Sun only does his best to spread the teachings of the God of Light. As the saying goes, the good are rewarded and the evil are punished. The God of Light teaches us that we must be magnanimous, and forgive all sins. Sun really does not deserve to be compared to the legendary Sun Knight. Sun only hopes to serve everyone, so that, under the blessing of the God of Light, everyone in the whole world will live a fulfilling and happy life.”
Passerby A mumbled to himself, “I don’t understand what this guy is saying at all…”
Contestant No. 3: Bard—Guileastes
“Now, I present the incredibly handsome literary genius, Guileastes! Please tell everyone, what type of woman do you like?”
“She must be good at cooking, have no sense of direction, and be a bit silly. However, she must also be independent and have her own stand on issues. As for looks, she should have white hair and red eyes. Most importantly, she must hit me in just the right way, so that I feel really good.” *
Passerby B exclaimed in shock, “What the heck, is this person a masochist?”
Passerby C replied, “No, he’s gay. Listen closely, isn’t that a description of the Blood Elf Prince?”
Lolidragon could not help but splutter. Actually, isn’t Gui BOTH a masochist and a homosexual? (evil laugh)
* “He” and “she” sound exactly the same in Chinese, so that’s why B doesn’t know that Gui is talking about a guy.
Contestant No. 4: Earth Knight—Georgo Earth
“He is honest, loyal, and kind. He has a strong and muscular build, and is the most dependable person ever. Who is this person who gets first place in the “Men Women Want Most as Their Husbands” poll every year? Of course, it the Earth Knight of the Church of the God of Light! Because this perfect husband-to-be is very shy, please applaud to help him calm down and give him the courage to come onstage!”
“H-Hello. I-I am the Earth Knight of the Church of the God of Light. Please g-give me your guidance.” The Earth Knight suddenly blushed furiously and bowed his head, looking very nervous.
The audience unanimously shouted, “S-So cute! Although he has a sturdy build (i.e. not your typical girly bishie), he is really gentle! I love him~”
“Ah! I suddenly r-remembered that there is a large cake in the Holy Temple. I-I can’t possibly eat it all by myself, so could you l-ladies please help me finish it?”
“Definitely! I will do anything you say, handsome!”
The Ice Knight muttered to himself, “So this is why he asked me to bake a large cake for him yesterday…”
Georgo thought, YES! The “Cheat on Many Beauties” plan is a great success! Although there are a few ugly dragons among these women, all I have to do is ignore them.
Contestant No. 5: Battousai—Kenshin
“The super strong hero of “Rurouni Kenshin” has returned! This Kenshin is proud, indifferent, and incomparably cool. He loves to sit in a quiet place drinking tea the most—what a calm and beautiful scene that is! However, on the battlefield, Kenshin instantly turns into a heartless weapon of mass destruction. He is inhumanely strong! Kenshin, please say some words to everyone!”
Passerby D asked, “He is a cool, strong, and handsome superman. However, doesn’t Kenshin already have Kaoru?”
Lolidragon explained, “Kaoru died, so Kenshin needs a new woman to treat the depression caused by missing her too much.”
“How can you believe what she says? Kenshin is mine~” Cold Fox said, pouting indignantly.
Contestant No. 6: Son of the God of War—Mike
“Wow! Yet another strong and famous person! This time it’s the man who is famous for failing to marry a princess. Hailing from the Monastery of the God of War, I present to you the Son of the God of War!”
“What did you say? Go to hell! I will make a much better husband than the Earth Knight who went before me! At least, the Monastery of the God of War has money so I can guarantee that no woman of mine will ever starve to death. This is something those Twelve Holy Knights can never accomplish with their measly pay. Also, I don’t have to correct work documents, so I can spend time with you every night.”
The Storm Knight said, “Why does it feel like that last statement was directed at me?”
“Only a clumsy and violent woman would like that pig-brained idiot who knows nothing besides fighting!” Sun whispered confidently.
Princess Ann sneezed. Is someone talking about me behind my back?
Still, no matter how tragic the Son of the God of War’s love story is, he can’t possibly be in a worse situation than the Sun Knight, who can only love God and not women, right?
Contestant No. 7: Mystery Man
“Who is the mystery man? Heehee, let me tell you, the mystery man is…”
“Me!” A muscled man who looked like a bodybuilder stepped out from backstage. He was wearing a black suit with black sunglasses.
“Do you think you are an actor in “Men in Black”? Remove those sunglasses! Eh? The Mystery Man shouldn’t be a bodybuilder, where is the real person?”
“Exactly who are you referring to? I have already beaten up all the rest of the candidates backstage, including Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and Donnie Yen.”
The audience shouted, “Take. Off. Your. Sunglasses! Only a coward would hide his face!”
“Okay, okay. I’ll take them off.”
OMG, he actually had eyes like the girls in shoujo manga? The audience fell down in disbelief.
“Wow, all of you seem so excited. There’s hope for me! Pretty lady, I love you! Please be my girlfriend!”
Who are you talking to? How could you pull off an AOE confession!?
Just like that, Undying Man was simultaneously rejected 4444444 times and his name was immediately featured on the front page of the Guinness Book of World Records.
Ten seconds later, all that was left on the stage was a heap of rotten eggs and decayed vegetables. Undying Man, who was buried under this heap of trash, finally received the first flower of his life. That is, a lone white rose on his grave.
Will Undying Man be so touched by this that he becomes an undead?
“Women of the world, run away! Undead Man is catching up!”
Note: AOE = Area of Effect. “4” sounds similar to “death” in Chinese so 4 is often thought to be an unlucky number. Undying Man/Undead Man: Another play on words. 不死男 can be taken to mean either “Undying Man” or “Undead Man”.
Now that that’s over, how do you think characters would react if they were sent on stage and pressurized by the announcer? Write them down in the comments!